Sunday, April 5, 2009


Fellatia Ocelot was born on the 8th of December 1980 at the Dakota Hospital, New York City. She is the controversial and macabre hair-brain-child of the infamous Argentinian geneticist Dr. Savoire-Faire Ocelot and his dutiful wife, Lady Sexy. Fellatia and her twin brother, Procto-Fleisch[1], were subsequently raised in seclusion on the Ocelot familys dwarf and llama farm on the Pampas of their fatherland, where they enjoyed a relatively happy, yet highly unconventional childhood.

Dr. Savoire-Faire Ocelots aim in engineering Fellatia into existence, was to create a woman compiled solely of the visually attractive and simultaneously socially acceptable features of the human physique. However, Fellatias appearance raises many obvious questions, for instance, how does she function without a torso to house the various organs necessary to sustain normal human life?

Well, all these vital parts are cunningly contained within her capacious lower lip, not unlike her close friend Angelina Jolie, whose pout inappropriately, and quite miraculously, accommodates Marcel Prousts A La Recherché Du Temps Perdu[2]. Unlike her impressive collection of shoes, Fellatias comprehensive stock-pile of hats serves no other purpose than to conceal her dichotomous absence of head; her cognitive functions being conducted nasally.

As a devoted Nominal Determinist, Fellatia Ocelot has a promising career as a fluffer for the European Parliament behind her, her height (89 cm) making her an ideal sub-lectern worker. However, after rupturing her spleen during a fervent and protracted debate on the gastronomic shortcomings of Finland, she has had a pair of fully operational arms grafted onto the corners of her mouth in order to exercise damage limitation when necessary. She is also eagerly awaiting a surgical reduction of her rather sizable right foot.

Although her situation and calling are unusual, and some of the more conservative elements of our society might frown on Fellatias work, I personally find great comfort in her dedication to her genetic heritage, shouldnt we all? Because ultimately, she is the perfect metaphor for the human condition, genetically predisposed to excel at one thing or another yet responsible enough to improve herself, even though this may sometimes necessitate drastic surgery.

Thank You!

Mia Tagg 2009®

No comments:

Post a Comment