Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Chi-Chi Peregrine

Few of you will actually know Chi-Chi, she doesn't really socialise outside her Performing Arts degree, but you've all seen her in bars and cafes. During the day Chi-Chi goes to lectures on vocal persona, charisma and how to look like you're really feeling it when you're on stage. In her spare time she hangs out with the other Eurosluts in their rented luxury city centre apartments where they do stretches and watch musicals and rockumentaries.

Sometimes you will have come across Chi-Chi at a party or in a club, where you can observe her putting everything she's learned about personality into practise, or if that doesn't impress, she'll try to distract you by adopting a yoga posture, doing her vocal exercises or spouting arbitrary comments in her native tongue. All of these practises have proven surprisingly effective tools in diverting attention away from her spiritual one-dimensionality and lack of a sense of humour. Chi-Chis strategies are potent, especially here in the U.K., where she is mostly confronted with mono-linguists who cant touch their toes without bending their knees.

When Chi-Chi and her friends speak English they do not have accents that yield any clues as to where in the Western World they are from, their Mid-Atlantic drawl and A.I.I.* only hints at a summer spent at Camp America and repeat viewings of The O.C. and Friends. The only time they give their origins away is when they cartwheel into your personal space and exclaim 'hola', 'hej', 'salut' or 'guten tag', in an attempt to dazzle you with their exoticism. Unfortunately for native English speakers, barging into a café on the continent and shouting 'hello' at the top of ones voice doesn't impress the locals, but trust me, it's exactly the same thing. I am, quite frankly, deeply disappointed that a glib 'ciao' from the lips of a piece of Eurotrash like Chi-Chi impresses so many, so easily.

The truth be told, in her parochial home town in Euroland, Chi-Chi is far from extraordinary, in fact, she is so ordinary there that it hurts her when she thinks about it, so she tries not to, and that is the reason she is somewhere else.

Thank You!

* Australian Interrogative Inflection

Mia Tagg 2009®

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