STRANGE PROPORTIONS AND OTHER PROBLEMS

Delifonseca "Deli of the Year" Bid

2011-06-01T15:22:00.003+01:00

Candice Fonseca opened the Original Delifonseca in 2006 in an effort to pull Liverpool out of a culinary ennui and make it an exciting place to be for foodies and Bon Vivants. Last year the original city centre shop and restaurant on Stanley Street was joined by the Dockside branch at Brunswick Quays; affectionately referred to by the staff as "the Mothership" and "the Space Cruiser" respectively

PORCELAIN DOGS

2011-04-29T02:24:00.001+01:00

UNASWERED QUESTIONS IN POPULAR SONG

2010-08-05T22:28:00.001+01:00

HOW SOON IS NOW? “How Soon Is Now?” is the 6th track on The Smith’s second studio album “Meat Is Murder” released in February 1985. Originally, “How Soon Is Now?” was not included on the British and European issues of the album. This seems odd in hindsight, but at the time, Jeff Travis and Rough Trade thought that “How Soon Is Now?” wasn’t sufficiently representative of the band’s overall sound.

TIGHTS AREN'T LEGGINGS, ARE THEY?

2010-05-19T16:46:00.006+01:00

BADFORMAT! DAY 2

2009-09-08T17:37:00.002+01:00

BADFORMAT! DAY 1

2009-09-08T16:17:00.003+01:00

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS IN POPULAR SONG NO. 3

2009-08-20T18:06:00.004+01:00

'DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME?'‘Do You Remember the First Time?’ was the third single from Pulps 1994 album ‘His n’ Hers’, following the releases Babies and Lipgloss from the same record. Pulp’s lyrics are refreshingly direct and often gritty, revealing the underbelly of modern life. Set to the familiar and upbeat structure of the pop song, the juxtaposition of the sordid subject matter of the

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS IN POPULAR SONG NO. 2

2009-08-18T17:00:00.007+01:00

'ARE YOU EXPERIENCED?'‘Are You Experienced?’ is the 11th and last track on The Jimi Hendrix Experience’s first LP, named ‘Are You Experienced’ without a question mark. ‘Are You Experienced?’ is a pertinent question in many an instance, but often refers to a specific situation or discipline. Without reference to a skill or circumstance, the enquiry is rendered obsolete, almost surreal. So what was

UNASWERED QUESTIONS IN POPULAR SONG NO. 1

2009-08-17T00:22:00.003+01:00

"WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?"‘What’s Love Got to do With It?’ was the first single from Tina Turner’s 1984 solo album ‘Private Dancer.’ This album secured Ms Turner as a viable solo artist after previously having had a successful career as part of Ike & Tina Turner, a husband and wife outfit. For those of you who have seen the 1993 biopic with the same name as the lyric in question, the

CREAM IN A FIELD, NOT IN YOUR PANTS

2009-08-12T11:38:00.006+01:00

The last bank holiday weekend of the summer is upon us and in the North West this means that multi award winning dance music festival Creamfields is coming back to its spiritual home!Since its inception in 1998, Creamfields has championed dance music on a truly international level; over a million people have attended a Creamfields festival somewhere in the world to date, not to mention all the

Electric Elephant

2009-08-03T17:00:00.005+01:00

Electric Elephant 28th, 29th & 30th August 2009, Petrcane, CroatiaIt seems that the stunning Croatian coastline has been transformed from holiday destination for rich communists to the music festival hotspot of Europe. The Dalmatian coast now hosts 3 festivals each summer. Petrcane is a quaint fishing village with a 900-year history and the last weekend of August sees the second installment of

Bestival

2009-08-02T23:12:00.005+01:00

Bestival, 11th, 12th, 13th September 2009, Isle of Wight (Robin Hill Country Park)Blimey, the Bestival dudes really know what they’re doing! Set on the Isle of Wight it rounds off the summer season of music festivals, with possibly the best line-up of them all. Sadly, if you had loose and vague plans to go, you are too late. The bastard sold out weeks ago, unless you have alternative

Galway Oyster Festival

2009-08-02T23:08:00.003+01:00

Galway 55th International Oyster Festival 24th Sept - 27th Sept 2009If you have had enough of wading around in a slurry of limp-wristed, plimsole wearing, wayfarer-donning monkeys, drinking warm booze and suffering profound indignity each time nature calls, why not try an oyster festival? It would be infinitely more sophisticated if it weren’t for the Irish D-listers. At least you won’t end up

Green Man

2009-08-02T23:02:00.005+01:00

The Green Man Festival 21st, 22nd & 23rd August 2009The Green Man Festival has a 24-hour license, is set on the Glanusk Estate in the Brecon Beacons National Park in Wales and this year Wilco, Jarvis Cocker and British Sea Power are headlining on the Main Stage. All in all, The Green Man Festival has eight venues and not unlike Bestival The Green Man Festival hosts literature and comedy events

Shambala

2009-08-02T22:57:00.005+01:00

Shambala Festival, 27th – 30th August 2009The Shambala Festival is held in a different and very secret location every year, this year it is held somewhere in Northamptonshire and seeing since one of the stages is ‘lakeside’, so that could be anywhere really. Shambala are just as secretive about the line-up as they are about the location, so there’s not much content to preview. However, there is a

500 word news, LSJ 2009

2009-07-27T13:42:00.002+01:00

Yesterday Hackney Council removed a vandalized mural attributed to infamous street artist Banksy from Gillett Square in Dalston, N16. The stencil depicting a young boy holding a teddy bear and a ghetto blaster first appeared opposite the Dalston Jazz Bar in the early hours of Sunday 1st of March this year and sparked excitement and outrage alike.Only 5 days after the new mural first appeared it

500 word news, LSJ 2009

2009-07-27T13:39:00.002+01:00

Saturday sees the opening of The Hackney Social on Kingsland High Street. One of the many new venues in Dalston, The Hackney Social will be the first official gay club in the area.Dan Beaumont and Matt Stone have spent the last five years working as club promoters and DJ’s in Shoreditch, saving up money to open their own club. “Our aim is to create a straight friendly gay club”, says Dan. Even

800 word interview, LSJ 2009

2009-07-27T13:37:00.002+01:00

Julian Watts 33, was an active and physically fit 12-year-old growing up in Southport when he was diagnosed with Myalgic Encephalopathy, more commonly known as ME, a condition that affects approximately 250,000 people in Britain. ME, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), is difficult to diagnose as it displays similar symptoms to several other medical conditions such as leukemia, lupus and coeliac

800 word feature, LSJ 2009

2009-07-27T13:34:00.001+01:00

With a ready smile and mischievous glint in his eyes, Carl Brown, songwriter and part-time front man of Merseyside outfit Wave Machines, exudes charm and charisma, he has brought a flask of tea and two mugs, after a series of pleasantries and jokes we settle down to talk about Carl’s life in music. It is a sunny day and we have chosen to conduct our interview al fresco, on the steps of the

2009-07-27T13:00:00.002+01:00

Beautiful Lady Mia Tagg's Podcast Thicker and Thinner 2009®

BEAUTIFUL LADY

2009-07-25T01:29:00.006+01:00

Beautiful lady, beautiful lady, beautiful lady, beautiful lady...Pretty face, slammin' bodyshaven armpits, on a beautiful lady...Tiny top lip, huge bottom lipinteresting contrast, on a beautiful lady...Fly-away hair, thinning at the templestiny teeth, in my beautiful lady...Tiny mind, massive egoterrible stutter, but a beautiful lady...Masculine dress sense, fallen arches (yeah)orthopaedic

SUBBIS NO'S 2-7

2009-07-25T00:31:00.005+01:00

From 1982, when I was 8 and my best friend Johanna was 10, we made a magazine called SUBBI. The last edition is dated July 1989. The content is highly libelous and there is nothing but pure speculation and absurd puerile whim within.Mia Tagg 2009®

SUBBI NO'S 7-12

2009-07-24T19:43:00.004+01:00

SUBBI 12

2009-07-24T16:37:00.004+01:00

This is the last ever SUBBI. A solo effort on my part. I must have been desperate for the cash...Mia Tagg 2009®

DARRYN WALKER IS MEDIOCRE

2009-07-05T01:11:00.003+01:00

Censorship. To me it’s pretty clear-cut: censorship is bad. So whenever there’s a case that involves someone referring to the Obscene Publications Act of 1959, my ears immediately prick up. Today I found myself engrossed in an article in the Guardian concerning a short story entitled “Girls (Scream) Aloud”. The author of this piece, Darryn Walker, was arrested last October after The Daily Star

THE TRUTH ABOUT SWEDEN 2, ABRIDGED

2009-07-04T18:01:00.002+01:00

I spent the first 23 years of my life in Sweden, which was for the most part bloody excellent. My primary and secondary schooling left a little to be desired as I was taught by an unhinged, perma-tanned, exclusively beige-wearing Israelite. Despite this, the free dental treatments, fabulous health care and excellent housing, it is the Swedish educational system that I have come to appreciate more

HOW NOT TO DIE IN THE PUBLIC EYE

2009-07-02T14:39:00.001+01:00

Farrah Fawcett died on the 25th of June 2009 at the age of 62 from a 3-year battle with intestinal cancer, or anal cancer as Fox News so delicately phrased it. Farrah Fawcett was not a superstar, but she was a lot more famous than some other people who have died icons. Fawcett’s death is tragic and premature, which is a good start if you want to die an icon, however, she got a few things wrong.

THE TRUTH ABOUT SWEDEN

2009-06-30T19:16:00.001+01:00

I spent the first 23 years of my life in Sweden, which was for the most part bloody excellent. My primary and secondary schooling left a little to be desired as I was taught by an unhinged, perma-tanned, exclusively beige-wearing Israelite and then by a man who had a rather unpleasant nervous breakdown, for which he blamed us and resulted in him only wearing grey clothes (yes, even his shoes were

LIVERPOOL

2009-06-24T16:21:00.001+01:00

Mia Tagg 2009®

2009-06-24T16:10:00.002+01:00

Hi everyone, I thought you might enjoy my podcast: http://thickerandthinner.podOmatic.com - - MiaThicker and Thinner 2009®

ELEPHANTS IN THE ZOO

2009-06-13T21:35:00.001+01:00

Thicker and Thinner 2009®

Prepotenta Tolo

2009-06-06T14:09:00.002+01:00

Strange Proportion No. 10Miss Prepotenta ToloImagine this right; your whole childhood is a massive psychosocial experiment. Introducing Miss Prepotenta Tolo, she grew up in an exact replica of The Magic Kingdom Park at Disney World, Florida.Her formative years were spent surrounded by shiny, sparkly things that shimmer; as a consequence, dazzle is all she can see, and all she can care for. Many,

Chi-Chi Peregrine

2009-06-03T17:24:00.001+01:00

Few of you will actually know Chi-Chi, she doesn't really socialise outside her Performing Arts degree, but you've all seen her in bars and cafes. During the day Chi-Chi goes to lectures on vocal persona, charisma and how to look like you're really feeling it when you're on stage. In her spare time she hangs out with the other Eurosluts in their rented luxury city centre apartments where they do

Charlie Mooncalf-Swellhead

2009-06-03T17:11:00.001+01:00

Charlie Mooncalf-Swellhead was nobility in the eighties; exclusive and refined, he boosted the egos of the rich and famous while simultaneously robbing them of cash and septum. Like some kind of unhinged Scarlet Pimpernel, but white, like the purest snow, yet as dirty as an old crack whore. Things have gone downhill for Charlie over the last couple of decades, these days he's totally mixed up

Rapine Laggard

2009-06-03T17:01:00.001+01:00

25 years ago Weasely Laggard found a cardboard box, that had previously contained turkey twizzlers, on his front door step with "it might be yours", written on it in green wax crayon. Weasely made the assumption that an anonymous benefactor had supplied him with a cardboard box, and decided to hold on to it. The presence of the infant within it did not bother him, as

Renate Von Soulmuncher

2009-06-03T16:57:00.002+01:00

Ennamuelle Von Soulmüncher was born Renate Mannheimer in Bern 1851 and was a rare and exceptional human being. She was not beautiful, but rather pretty, not a genius, but able and intelligent, nor was she hilarious, but pleasantly witty. However, Fraulein Mannheimer had an extraordinary ability for filling invisible holes, and consequently anyone with the gnawing sensation of something missing

2009-06-03T13:42:00.001+01:00

Hi everyone, I thought you might enjoy this podcast: http://thickerandthinner.podOmatic.com

2009-06-01T11:29:00.001+01:00

2009-05-28T00:13:00.001+01:00

Hi everyone, I posted an episode to my podcast, Mia Taggs Podcast. Click this link to check it out: WAITING FOR GODOT, THE MUSICAL, ON ICE - Mia

2009-05-28T00:11:00.000+01:00

Hi everyone, I posted an episode to my podcast, Mia Taggs Podcast. Click this link to check it out: Beautiful Lady - Mia

2009-05-27T20:33:00.001+01:00

Hi everyone, I posted an episode to my podcast, Mia Taggs Podcast. Click this link to check it out: Thicker Than Water Theme - Mia

"TUBE ONE OFF"

2009-05-17T12:23:00.001+01:00

Ok, here is the annoying downside of writing a column as topical as Tube One Off for a magazine that has only 5 issues annually: some of the genius I've witnessed whilst tubing off in the past 3 (yes, 3) months, is now common and old. Also, I have to confess that I waste a tremendous amount of time mesmerised by vacuous tripe like America's Next Top Model and by the tsunami of videos and blogs

CYCLING

2009-05-17T12:15:00.001+01:00

For most of my life I have ridden a bicycle as a means of transporting myself from one place to another, I like it. For the last three years I have owned a giant of a Danish white old-fashioned ladies’ bike with a basket and 3 gears. It is an extremely handsome vehicle. I have owned mountain bikes before, but I think they're really ugly and I also kind of think they're for pussies, unless they're

SEASICK STEVE/THE SUGARS

2009-05-17T11:44:00.002+01:00

On a freezing and wet November night in Liverpool, a shitty Tuesday, I'm off to the Carling Academy to see Seasick Steve. The Carling is brimming with men, a lot of them are quite old and it stinks of man who hasn't had a girlfriend for about 10 years: guff, sweat, beer and dirty laundry. The watery pints are £3.50 and the cola tastes of fish, but I'm excited.The support band are The Sugars, a

RETRO

2009-05-17T11:34:00.001+01:00

Last week I was enjoying a leisurely afternoon in delightful and all too rare company, after a stroll, some lunch and a few coffees, my friend was heading into town to start work. On the way to the bus stop we stepped into a particularly good vintage shop to see what they had in store. I found a rather exciting, beautifully blue coat with big buttons and high collar, I didn’t have the £16 it cost

PSYCHIC HEALING

2009-05-17T11:24:00.001+01:00

I sometimes work in pub, a faded old Victorian pile of decaying grandeur on a lane immortalised by Paul McCartney, it no longer has a barbershop but, rather topically, boasts a centre for paranormal study at one end.It was during a night shift last Thursday night that a series of unusual events took place, which have since prompted me to reconsider the state of my spiritual health. Having sent my

DEAD PETS

2009-05-17T11:20:00.001+01:00

I have been pretty unfortunate with my pets to date; most notably I have had three cats die on my birthday. Greta, a beautiful but unhinged kitten, was given to me for my 25th birthday and exactly a year later she ran straight into a traveling car and died. Ooop was the loveliest, most affectionate and laid back cat I have ever come across, he graced my life with his presence for three years

FUCK YOU RECESSION

2009-05-14T17:11:00.001+01:00

OK, so we’re in the deepest, darkest recession for decades. It pretty much sucks for everybody. We are bombarded with alarmingly complicated messages of panic and calamity at every turn, it is easy to put your head in the sand but that doesn’t get you anywhere. Although quietly soldiering on may have some merit, for some of us, it is time to put our head above the parapet and tell it how it is.

BABOON

2009-05-14T16:32:00.002+01:00

I was standing at the bar in the Metropolitan the other night, waiting to be served while Bexy Sitch were providing, what seemed to me, an unusually shaky soundtrack. I had been standing at the bar for a couple of minutes when a man in his mid forties came and stood to the left of me. He was below average height and his hair was ubiquitously and evenly grey, like those people who suffer trauma to

KIRUNA

2009-05-14T12:56:00.001+01:00

"We are moving because of the cracks; they're moving because of the water coming in."No, this is not a quote from some tragic victim of sub-standard plumbing featured on the televisual barrel bottom that is ITV1's New Homes From Hell, it is a quote from the Mayor of the town of Kiruna, situated 90 miles North of the Arctic Circle, in the very North Sweden. Kiruna is the place people fly to when

A Fairy Tale Recession - PODCAST

2009-05-08T00:56:00.002+01:00

Mia Tagg 2009®

Lovey Dovey Jesus

2009-05-04T21:25:00.001+01:00

Thicker and Thinner 2009®

A Fairy Tale Recession - A Recession Fairy Tale

2009-05-04T17:41:00.001+01:00

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom called Tanie where duchess Stephanie reigned, fair, good and righteous, she lead her people with a steady hand. The citizens of Tanie were a contented and happy people making their living from art and music. They traded with neighbouring kingdoms, making them sound and look smart and beautiful in exchange for consumables, this is how it worked, and it worked

Cosmic Ordering

2009-05-04T13:10:00.001+01:00

LONDON15/05/2009Dear Cosmos,I am writing in order to express my dissatisfaction with Your ‘Cosmic Ordering’ service.On a recent visit to Berlin I was engaged in a discussion with an associate concerning Noel Edmonds, the television presenter, and his rejuvenated career. In expressing my bafflement over his reemergence, I recalled reading a feature on his career by the journalist, Rachel Cooke in

THE MAID, THE MONGOOSE AND THE COBRA

2009-05-01T09:34:00.001+01:00

Once upon a time in a galaxy far away there lived an overweight, deluded, alcoholic casting agent called Jan Schneider. She lived in a big house that her ex-husband had bought her so that she would stop showing up at his house where he lived with his new wife, who understandably felt awkward about having her predecessor at such close quarters, the social conventions in this far away galaxy were

Library

2009-04-26T18:56:00.001+01:00

I have always had a problem with libraries. Don’t misunderstand, I am in complete favour of public and free access to knowledge and learning for all, I just find it so hard to give books back. A book seems to so astutely define the time it took to read it and I am compelled to keep it as a memento of time passed. This selfish, sentimental and ultimately hopeless urge to hold on to time has cost

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME OUTSIDE THE FISHMONGERS IN THE RAIN.

2009-04-25T14:11:00.001+01:00

I remember the day it all started very clearly. I’m not entirely sure how old I was, but I still had my tricycle so I cant have been much older than four and a half. It was late summer, the dense, dark clouds threatened to rain and it was eerily silent. Our street was a rather short thoroughfare, connecting two main roads with a surprisingly steep incline at one end, I used to take my tricycle to

Grabiella

2009-04-22T15:10:00.001+01:00

In the distant mists of what were the days of yore; when Michael Jackson was still black, Henry VIII was a slim young thing that didn't murder women and Moira Stewart was still sexy enough to have a job on TV reading the news; a mummy and a daddy accidentally made a bubble whilst doing the washing-up together. They didn't even notice the bubble; they were too busy finding each other's hands in

Serseri Ummik

2009-04-19T15:33:00.001+01:00

There you are, things are kind of plodding along, a little bit bored perhaps, but you’re not exactly miserable, you relax into a world of your own. A sufficient period of time has passed since you were last bamboozled by an idiot who’d read a dictionary too carefully and briefly tricked you into thinking that this somehow equated to an impressive intellect, you’re almost finished hemming the

Proctofleisch Ocelot

2009-04-19T01:38:00.003+01:00

Mia Tagg 2009®

BIRCHWOOD

2009-04-18T12:06:00.001+01:00

Birchwood StationBirchwood Station stop is one of those you pass on the Trans-Pennine Express on your way to Manchester, Leeds or York, where people get off and you wonder what they could possibly want to go there for. Birchwood is not a place either of us would consider a destination, consequently we were rather intrigued when we were allotted it as our stop on the Trans-Pennine Express project

Reiben

2009-04-08T16:57:00.001+01:00

Just when you thought things couldn't get more macabre, disturbing and gross, along comes Reiben Fischer. Here's the story of his rise and demise.Reiben is the illegitimate child of chess legend Bobby Fischer and a vivacious girl with big breasts from his time at the Worldwide Church of God: Fischer proving, once and for all, that IQ (Bobby's score was 180) has nothing to do with intelligence, by

Penelope Edmund in Paris

2009-04-07T11:40:00.000+01:00

No scribblings today, instead I present Penelope Edmund. heck the sidebar or youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UQ0xhUcw3s

Babette

2009-04-05T20:26:00.001+01:00

It was a beautifully sunny day in April 1985 and l’Ecole Merveilleux des Enfants Tres Bon made a daytrip to a farm near the picturesque village of Muret, in order that the children could pet the lambs, calves and chicks. Babette was only 6 years old at the time and had led a very sheltered life with a delightful nuclear family: parents Raconteur and Chanteuse and her unfortunate brother Thierry (

Fellatia

2009-04-05T18:43:00.001+01:00

Fellatia Ocelot was born on the 8th of December 1980 at the Dakota Hospital, New York City. She is the controversial and macabre hair-brain-child of the infamous Argentinian geneticist Dr. Savoire-Faire Ocelot and his dutiful wife, Lady Sexy. Fellatia and her twin brother, Procto-Fleisch[1], were subsequently raised in seclusion on the Ocelot familys dwarf and llama farm on the Pampas of their

THIERRY CONTENT A.K.A. TETE DE LUNE SENSIBLE

2009-03-17T00:51:00.001Z

An almost normal child, Thierry Content was raised in Toulouse, where he lived with his parents Raconteur and Chanteuse and his younger sister Babette. As the surname aids to suggest, their family life was utterly blissful, Raconteur telling stories of magic and adventure and Chanteuse singing ditties with her angelic voice. To say that they were extremely happy is an understatement. However, as

SMUG? DON'T BE.

2009-03-16T20:06:00.001Z

Smug. What a word. What a notion. It sounds smug. It looks smug. In this way it may be the perfect word. For me, it has very much been the word of the winter period 2008/09.My use of it began towards the end of last summer. I run a bar that is awkwardly situated under a fabulously pretentious jazz club. The kind of jazz club where you sit down at tables with red wine and stroke your beard (

PANDAS. WHY?

2009-03-16T19:17:00.001Z

Saving the panda is an exercise in futility. Why? Because they don't want to live, that's why. Here is how I know.Somewhere in the panda's evolution, the entire panda population decided to stop being a successful and prolific omnivore, and rather strangely, yet collectively, opted to eat only bamboo. Not only did they decide to only eat bamboo, oh no, that would be far to easy: there are loads of